An Emptiness Deep Inside

I don't remember thinking about walking by faith again until many years later. In fact, I was in my late thirties when I actually asked the Lord to start helping me find my way home. Before that time, I stumbled along in life, blindly trying to find my way. I wasn't sure back then where my final destination would be. I just wanted to make it through each day. I always had an emptiness deep inside that nothing I tried filled.

During my teens, twenties, and early thirties, I had brief encounters with the Lord. At one of the lowest points in my late teens the song, "Jesus Loves Me This I Know" came to mind. I couldn't believe Jesus would love me the way I was living. But I know now that He did.

After our daughter, Shannon, was born, I had an experience that slowly started to point me in the right direction. I was now in my middle twenties. I had a dream, or I would actually call it a nightmare, that woke me up in a cold sweat. I will never forget it. I was in a dark, gloomy, dirty city. People were walking around lifeless and filled with hate, treating each other in despicable ways. I was right along with them. Everyone was miserable and very unhappy. I woke up in a cold sweat, my heart was pounding, I was really shaken! Could this be what the hell was like? I couldn't get the nightmare out of my mind. I knew I didn't want this to be my final destination. As I moved into my early thirties, I was still looking for something to fill my emptiness. I knew what I'd tried in the past hadn't worked.