Beginning To See Results

At the funeral home, I felt as though I were the comforter. After giving them a big hug, I told all of the kids that they could come over and talk anytime. Several of them said that Todd had always said I was easy to talk to and that they should visit me anytime. I was surprised.

Kids started coming over to my home. They asked why Todd was always so happy, and I told them about positive thinking. I talked to them about the Lord; I started buying paperback books called "Have a Great Day" for everyone. On the inside, I would write, "In loving memory of Todd."

Todd had been a cross-country runner, and in November 1988, the boy and girls decided to dedicate their season to Todd, they began training without a coach, so I gave each of them the condensed edition of "The Power of Positive Thinking." Both the boys' team and the girls' team made it to the state finals! It was the first time in our school's history that either team had gone so far. I even entered a local running contest and won the "gold."

That November, our high school played the biggest football game of the year. It was dedicated to Todd, and, of course, our team won. The night before the game, I gave each player and coach one of your booklets in which I had written, "Believe! In loving memory of Todd Heitsch."

Because of Todd's death, hundreds of people have been touched by the positive power of the Lord. I thank the Lord each day that he has seen fit to use me to reach others. The year Todd would have been a senior in his memory, I gave each of his classmates a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking.

I could see very clearly that the Lord was bringing many positive things out of Todd's death.

Kinda Felt Odd

Each day I tried to stay alert and listen for what the Lord may be leading me to do. I'd found so much help from reading Dr. Peale's books that I ordered many various booklets from his organization. I kept a basket in the van where I kept an assortment.

I'll admit I kinda felt odd at times handing people booklets when I went through drive-in windows or putting a booklet in the tube at the bank. But I didn't really care how I felt. I'd found a new way to live. The void I had in my life was filled, and I was finally at peace. If the Lord wanted to use me to help someone else along the journey, I was going to be available.

One day I put a booklet in the tube at the bank. I didn't think much of it until the next time I drove up. When I received the tube back, there was a note inside. I was blessed to read, "That booklet you sent in was just what I needed! Thanks!" I couldn't even see who had received the booklet. Little did I know that she needed it, but God did. I was happy I didn't allow feeling odd to hold me back from sending the booklet in.

Does God Still Speak To People?

It was a delightful morning. Birds were singing; chipmunks were chirping, eating their morning meal of acorns on our front steps. "Oh, life doesn't get any better than this," I said to myself as I sat in my usual spot on the sofa reading my Bible and talking to the Lord. This quiet time was a daily habit for me. I never knew when I sat down exactly how long I would be there. I was always excited to see what the Lord would be teaching me each day. I looked forward to this quiet time alone with God.

This morning as I sat holding my Bible on my lap reading, I heard this inner voice saying, "Get up and go to the corn stand at the Antique Mall." "What?" I found myself saying. "Lord, this is our time together. Is this really You?"

Actually, I wasn't sure there was a corn stand by the Antique Mall. If there was one, I certainly had never been there. I heard the words again, this time loud and clear, "Kay, get up and go to the corn stand at the Antique Mall. "This was very strange, and in a way, I felt foolish acting upon this thought, but finally, I said to the Lord, "You know my heart, and I really want to do what You tell me. If this, is You telling me to go, I want to obey; if this is not You, you know my heart is right." This was going to be between the Lord and me. If there were no corn stand there, I wouldn't even tell anyone about this conversation.

I got up and left everything as it was and got into the van. I drove to the Antique Mall. I slowly pulled into the parking lot, wondering why I was there and what I would find. Lo and behold, there was a little produce stand. I stopped and parked the van. Then I thought, "Well, now what do I do?" The thought to get out and buy some corn came to me. GOOD IDEA!

After I selected a dozen ears of corn, the first corn we'd had this season, I handed the young lady behind the counter the money and returned to the van. I was still confused as to why I was there.

As I opened the van's door to put the corn in, I noticed the inspirational booklets written by Dr. Peale sitting in the basket between the seats. I always kept a supply of these booklets to give out to people when I felt directed.

The thought to give this girl who was selling the corn a booklet came to my mind. I reached in and picked up a couple of brochures. I got out of the van and walked over to the stand again with the booklets in my hand. Several people were milling around, looking over the produce. I walked over in front of where this girl was standing and handed her the booklets, and said, "I thought you might enjoy reading these today."

Without hesitation, she came out from behind the counter and took the booklets, then asked, "Who sent you?" I was stunned! Much to my own surprise, I answered, "God." I went on trying to explain what had happened that morning. I told her that the request to go to the corn stand at the Antique Mall was so strange I felt it must be the Lord, so I came. By this time, the other people who were around the stand were listening to our conversation with looks of astonishment on their faces. I'll be honest; I was a little astonished myself.

All of a sudden, this girl began to cry and threw her arms around me. She told me that she had received some devastating news about 20 minutes before and had prayed that God would send someone to be with her. I told her it had been just about 20 minutes before that I'd had the thought to go there.

By now, we had everyone's attention who was shopping at the stand. Turning around seeing everyone looking at us hugging, this young woman with tears running down her cheeks said, "The Lord sent this lady here today, just when I needed her."

I walked back to the van and opened the door, and got in. As I was pulling out of the parking lot, I looked back in the rearview mirror. I saw this young woman with her hands raised to the sky saying, "Thank you, Jesus."

I was also thanking Jesus for this delightful day and what He had taught me by answering my question, "Is this really You?" Do you think I believe God still speaks to people? You bet I do!

I Remembered The Bird

From my experience of burying the bird, I could see the Lord doesn't always answer prayers in the way I think He would. Sometimes the things He asks us to do seem ridiculous to us. I started to be open to doing and seeing things in a new way.

I'd found the newspaper that was in the trash with the ad Bill had told me about. Sure enough, an organization called T4C looked for positive people to be a booster for area kids. Since Bill suggesting this was out of the ordinary, I remembered the bird. Just maybe this was another thing the Lord wanted me to do. I called the number.

Sure enough, the T4C were looking for people who could spend 26 hours a week with a child who needed a positive influence in their lives. After the orientation, I was given a boy named Ricky. I called Ricky's mom and made arrangements to pick him up. I found myself making the pick-up time at the same time Todd had died. I could see that the Lord was helping me replace a negative with a positive.

We spent well over 26 hours a week with Ricky. Our family welcomed him with open arms. We took him on many outings, got him involved in sports, and even took him on vacation with us. When Ricky's sister turned 7, she was also put in the program, and I was her booster also. Ricky and Danyelle spent a lot of time with our family while in the booster program.

I had no doubt that this was something the Lord wanted me to do, and it was part of my simple faith journey.

Changes Were Taking Place

From the time I was around twelve, I started to swear. My Dad cursed all the time. I never thought much of it. His way of talking was just a part of who he was. Somehow, I picked up on his way of communicating when I was relatively young. Quite frankly, I didn't care if my choice of words bothered people. If they didn't like it, they could stay away from me was my attitude. As I got older, I wanted to change, but it had become such a habit, I didn't seem to be able to.

Now, something strange was happening. Every time I started to use a cuss word, it seemed to get stuck in my throat for some reason. I couldn't believe it! All those years of trying to stop cussing seemed to be taken care of. I want to say that I never used a cuss word again, but that would not be true. Over the years, I have cussed any number of times, but for the most part, my everyday cussing stopped. I was wondering what God had up His sleeve for me. It was pretty obvious I was going to need to control my cussing from doing it.

One day not too long after this, Bill asked if I had noticed an ad in the newspaper. Of course, I hadn't, as I didn't read the paper. When Bill finished, I just threw it away. I asked Bill what the ad was about, and he said, "Oh, some organization is looking for positive people to be boosters for area kids. I thought you might like to answer the ad." I couldn't believe Bill was suggesting this. My first thoughts were, "What, are you kidding me? Todd just died a few months ago. Why would I want to answer such an ad."

Since Bill suggesting this was so not like him, I thought, "Hum, maybe this is the Lord." I dug the newspaper out of the trash and looked for the ad.

Other changes were taking place too. Around six months after Todd's death, my younger son Brandon (then three) began stuttering. You see, Brandon and I went for a walk each night, and about this time, we saw a dead, decaying bird lying on the side of the road. Brandon referred to the bird as being "dead, just like Todd." He spoke of Todd often, and many people suggested that he needed professional help to deal with Todd's death. I took the problem right to the Lord.

As I prayed about Brandon's problem, it seemed that the Lord was telling me to bury the bird. But I argued against this. After all, I did not wish to bury every dead animal we might see; I did not even want to touch this one!

Finally, I gave in. We scooped up the bird in a bucket and brought it home. We dug a hole in the yard, and we talked. I told Brandon to shake the bird and call it; I did the same. I then said to him that only Jesus could wake the little bird. I quoted the Bible and told him that one day Jesus would come back and call with a loud voice, and all who loved Him would come alive again. I said we would see Todd the minute Jesus woke him.

The next morning when Brandon woke up, he did not stutter, and he has not stuttered since that date--the six-month anniversary of Todd's death. A miracle? Yes, I believe it was, and even though the idea to bury the bird seemed ridiculous to me, it had been the answer to my prayers.

Out of Control

I knew without a doubt that something extraordinary had happened. I got up and went to the grocery store. I wasn't worried about crying or not being in control. Somehow, I knew I was out of control' now, and God was in charge of my life.

That night my husband Bill came home carrying a 12 pack of beer. Drinking beer and watching TV was the way Bill was trying to handle Todd's death. I remember greeting him at the door. I was excited to tell him what had happened to me. I don't recall what I said, but it went something like this. "Bill, I had the most awesome experience today. I can't explain it, but I gave my life and Todd to the Lord. I know God is going to bring something wonderful out of Todd's death, and He's going to use me to do it. I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to do. But nothing or no one, including you, is going to stand in my way."

I knew from reading stories about people who had given God total control over their lives that He could and would do some unbelievable things. I was ready for this new adventure of trusting God and giving Him control over my life.

The End of Myself

A few weeks had passed since Todd's death in the car accident. People had been very generous in bringing in food for our family. But the time came when I had to venture out to the grocery store.

My first experience of grocery shopping did not go well! I had Brandon, our two-year-old son, in the grocery cart. I'd gone down several aisles when I came to the cereal section. Without thinking, I reached up to grab Todd's favorite cereal. I broke out in a cold sweat, realizing I didn't need to buy this anymore. I jerked my hand back. I felt stunned for an instant. All of a sudden, I thought I was going to burst into tears. Since I didn't want anyone to see me crying, I grabbed Brandon and left the shopping cart right in the cereal aisle. With tears burning my eyes, I drove straight home.

The following week I was completely dressed and ready to go back to the grocery store when I felt panic grip me. I started to think, "What will my reaction be if I reached for one of Todd's favorites again?" I was feeling out of control.

Before Todd's death, life seemed pretty easy for me to control. But Todd's death had been very hard on me. Quite frankly, I didn't want to go on living without him. The fear of being "out of control" made me feel paralyzed even to leave the house. Another thought came: "What are you going to do?" I knew I couldn't go on living with this paralyzing fear and grief. I knew drugs, alcohol, food, or anything else would not take this kind of pain and fear away.

My mind went back to the last few years. I'd been reading books about people who had to overcome lives. I needed that kind of life now—the kind of life where no matter what happened, I would be able to handle it. Of course, I wanted to live this life, on my own, without God's involvement. I'd been doing pretty well, staying positive until Todd's death. Now I was beginning to see that this wasn't possible anymore.

Deep down, I knew what these "overcoming" people had that I didn't. I recognized that they had a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ. I wanted this overcoming life, too. I understood that I desperately needed it to go on for my family.

I had finally come to the end of myself. I couldn't muster up enough positive thinking on my own anymore. I could see that this kind of overcoming life wasn't possible without God's power. I fell to my knees right where I stood. I admitted to the Lord-- and myself--that He was the power, and I needed it right then. Immediately, I felt this flood of peace and "liquid love" filling me. My panic and fear were gone.